


Killua x Reader's Mom

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: F/M, Gon is a Jerk, Old Ass Man Killua, Old Man Abuse, There's No Kids In This One Sorry xD, Tonpa Dies, date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 03:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4331265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't fucking know ok????</p>
            </blockquote>





	Killua x Reader's Mom

**Author's Note:**

> Somebody left a comment on my Kurapika x Reader's Mom fic stating I should do one with Killua. Except he's a 58 year old ass man with Erectile Dysfunction (LMFAO). So like if you gouge your eyes out blame them noT ME!!!

Your mother leaves the bus stop. She's supposed to meet up with somebody today, somebody special to her. She made sure to do squats everyday and wear makeup and wrinkle remover for this occasion, so she believed she was flawless. Your mother flicks her (insert color of your mother's hair) hair and clicks her heels before she makes a turn to the right.

"I believe it's this place..." she says, eyeing a park in the distance. She was curious of why they picked this location, but she couldn't complain. She was glad they finally got out of their house from hiding for the past 56 hours like a little bitch.

Your mother continues walking into the park, looking at the faces of familiar children she knew who either lived in the neighborhood or regularly visited this park. She smiles and waves at one of them. "Hello."

After the giggly child greets her back, she walks on and spots someone on a bench alone. She knew it was them. It just had to be them!

"Good afternoon." your mom states as she slides herself onto the bench with the other person. It's Killua and he's fucking old as all hell!

"Hi, (your mother's name here)." Killua answers miserably. He's crying on the inside because he has to be a fucking old man in this fanfic!!

Your mother frowns. Why does he seem so upset? "Did you eat a whole box of chocolates yesterday?"

Killua has to think for ten whole minutes, because for one he's fucking old. "Um.......... No...?"

"He DID!" another voice pops up. Who is it other than that other old fuck, Gon Freecss.

"I saw him eat TWO whole boxes yesterday. I tried to convince him to at least work out, but he tried to punch me in the nose!" Gon continued.

Your mama gasps! How could he! The doctor told him not to eat any chocolate for the next month.

Killua gets up, grabs his cane, and hits Gon on the head several times. The scene becomes violent because Gon fights back by kicking him in the balls.

"FUCK!" Killua screams as he falls over. He's just not as lively as he used to be. Gon, on the other hand, is just as lively as he was when he was much, much younger. He has the heart of a child, after all.

"Yamete, futari tomo!" your mom exclaims as she tries to help Killua up. She gets him up but he breaks his back in the process.

"MOTHER FUCKER!" He yells.

"We're in a park filled with young children. Show some respect!" Gon screams back childishly.

"I think the only CHILD here is YOU!" Killua retorts.

"They still bicker.." your mom thinks to herself as she helps Killua's old ass back onto the bench.

After some minutes of Killua grumbling angry and Gon asking random questions to himself about the birds, the scene becomes calm again, and quiet. Your mother sighs. All she wanted was peace...

"So, how is your ED?" your mom finally asks after ten minutes of silence.

"ED?" Killua asks.

"ED?!?!?" Gon asks.

"Yes, ED." your mom says.

Killua frowns. He hopes she doesn't mean what he thinks she means....

"What's ED??" Gon asks.

Killua glares at him. Gon laughs it off and asks again, but this time to your mother, "What's ED?"

"Erectile Dysfunction." your mom answers plainly.

There was an awkward silence.

Very, very awkward.

Killua is crying on the inside again because your mom just announced that in public. Now a bunch of curious kids who were playing ball suddenly stopped to look at the three of them.

"Erectile dysfunction te nani?" a little boy asks.

Gon sort of laughs, "Ah, so that's why you've been so secretive to me, Killua! You had that all along!"

Killua punches Gon in the face. Gon falls over and can't get up.

Killua glares at the kid and tells him to shoo, but your mother decides to educate the child, "Erectile Dysfunction is when a man in unable to keep an erection necessary for gratifying sexual activity."

The little boy stares at her blankly. The fuck did she just tell him? He couldn't quite understand.

"GOD DAMN IT!" Killua yells, "(Your mama's name here), WHY DID YOU JUST SAY THAT?! NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS!"

Some parents from the neighborhood were surprised about this. They gasp, with hands over their mouths. They had no idea Killua had erectile dysfunction!

Killua wanted to crawl into a hole and never return, but instead he farted.

Everyone gasped again, even Gon and your mother!

Gon says, "Woah, Killua. Lay off the chocolate." He is covering his nose because it smells so bad. Same with your mother, who is now moving further away and reapplying her makeup.

Even the little boy couldn't handle the stench. He threw a ball at Killua's face and ran away.

Killua wanted to run the fuck away. Not only did he ruin his date, but his date admitted something he didn't want public and he FARTED in public. Gosh, could today get any worse for him?

He also ate chocolate even though his doctor told him not to. However, Killua didn't fucking care about that anyway because he could care less about his health.

"Um... (Your mommy's name here), how about we take our business elsewhere?" Killua finally asks, pissed off with that black vein thingy anime people have on the their heads when they're angry.

"Sure, why not?" your mommie answers awkwardly as she picks up her pocketbook and stands up.

Gon exclaims, "Hey, wait for me! I'm coming too! Killua can't use the bathroom by himself anyway, he always needs my help wiping his butt!" He announced that in public...

"Yes, please take your business elsewhere!" a horrified parent says as he grabs his also horrified child.

"Yes, do so! Go away!" A woman says as she gathers up her sons. The parents of the neighborhood are really shocked.

Then an old man adds in, "Yeah, fuck off!" It was Tonpa, who for some reason was still alive. He's wearing old lady spectacles and doesn't seem to care if the children heard the bad word he said.

Gon rubs the back of his head and says, "Looks like they don't want us. Hehe..." He sticks his tongue out awkwardly.

Your mother shoos Gon away, "Mr. Freecss, you have better things to do today, no? Well attend to those first!" she laughs awkwardly. You can tell she's trying very hard.

"Eh? But Killua needs my help!" Gon says with a pout. 

Killua shouts something that doesn't make sense because it sounds like gibberish, then somehow gains the fucking energy to run away. He crosses the street and a bus starts zooming his way. He punches it hard, once again, some-fucking-how, and it is bounced into the park. Everybody in the park screams and runs away except your mom, Gon, and Tonpa, who gets ran over.

Gon gets pushed by the bus, so he falls over. Your mama helps him up.

"Thanks, (ur mum's name here lel)." Gon says as he shakingly stands to his feet. He was lively, but his body rejected him sometimes.

Your mother nods and frowns. She was here to meet Killua for a date and yet all of this happened... It was all because she mentioned his erectile dysfunction.

"Don't be sad," Gon adds, "Killua always does this to me whenever I unplug his video game console on Saturdays. He'll be back in maybe another three days."

"Three days?!?" Your mammy exclaims, "I can't wait three days! He might starve himself to death, or fall in a ditch and never find a way out, or he might break his hip, or-"

"Relax!" Gon says, "He's never done anything like that the 600 times I've unplugged his console. I imagine this time won't be any different."

Your mumzy isn't convinced, though, and she goes to search for Killua.

Gon shrugs and heads to the gym. He really needs to do some squats.

Your mom searches for Killua all around the neighborhood, and eventually around the town, too. She checks the pet store, candy store, the bank, the fountain at the town square, the hedge maze, the Chipotle, the sewer, and the train station. So far, nothing.

Your mammy sighs, she's walked far too long and wants to take a break and sit somewhere. She settles herself on a bench and studies the birds Gon mentioned earlier.

"Why did this have to happen..?" your mother sadly thinks to herself, "It's all because of me..."

Then her stomach grumbles. She rubs it and blushes, that was unladylike. So she stands up again and searches for a restaurant to dine at.

"Normally Killua and I would go somewhere to dine, but he's not here anymore. Knowing him, he probably robbed a jet plane and flew off to another country again..." your mom thinks. She continues walking until she spots a Denny's. It wasn't her kind of restaurant, normally, but she would have to settle for it. It felt as if there was a burning hole in her stomach.

She waits for a little, and is then seated. She's sitting at a table by a window, alone. The windows are open so the sun rays beam onto the tables, and the winds blows through. Your mama sighs.

As she picks up her menu to order, she can't help but feel an extremely gloomy aura. She peeps up from her menu to notice a certain white-haired fool with a ridiculously long beard (lmfao) facepalming his table. Facetabling. He's two table away from her.

"Killua!" she exclaims as she gets up from her seat and walks over to his table. "Thanks goodness! I was so worried about you!" She settles herself in the seat across from him but he doesn't bother lifting his face.

Your mum sees that bae is extremely depressed... He wouldn't even lift his head when she called his name.

But in reality, Killua is sleeping since he's fucking old. It becomes apparent when he starts snoring. Your mom gains a sweatdrop on the side of her head and has that weird '_' anime expression.

A waiter shows up and asks for what they want. It's sort of hard, because he's giving a sleeping Killua old fart stares, but your mom knows what Killua usually likes and orders for the both of them.

The waiter leaves and when he returns with the food, Killua instantly wakes up. His meal is fifty pancakes which he pours chocolate sauce all over because he's fucking Killua. He then digs in because bon appetit!!

Your mother just stares at Killua while her food begins to cool down, but eventually she does eat. She had pancakes too, and an omelette topped with weird shit.

Killua eventually chokes and a waitress has to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him to get the butter out that somehow clogged his system.

Your mom is like, 'wtf?' the whole time. Killua should've drank something before he started binge eating.

When Killua feels better, he starts eating more slowly but he still hasn't said anything. Your mom frowns at that.

"So, who's paying for the bill?" he eventually asks after downing five cups of Mountain Dew. (Should he even be drinking that??)

"Me, obviously," your mother states blankly. Killua's happy he doesn't have to pay so he orders fifty more pancakes. The night continues with Killua continuously eating and ordering pancakes, and your mama can't help but wonder if he's not eating well or if he's on crack. She decides it must be the former.

"That was awesome!" Killua exclaims, trying to do that cat face but since he's fucking old it looks retarded.

Your mom nods slowly, disappointed. She didn't even finish her omelette.

"Killua, do you feel better now?" she finally asks after Killua lets out a big stinky fart.

Killua nods, "Yeah. Why?"

"Well, you never did answer my question earlier..." Your mother is still sad.

"What question?" Killua fucking forgot.

"About your... ED."

"........"

There's a long silence.

"God damn it!" Killua yells again.

"Haha, I was just kidding. I wanted to tell you that I love you, Killua." she laughs her ass off, not literally.

"F-F-FU-FUCK YOU!" Killua screams tsundere-ly as he throws chocolate syrup at your mom.

Then a food fight emerges and Gon shows up, too, because he has a GPS tracker attached to Killua's ass. And he joins in on the food fight too!

"I don't know why this is happening, but this is fun." Gon thinks.

So after 16 minutes, they get kicked out of Denny's, but the bill was paid and your mama had to force Killua to leave a tip.

Killua trips over his Gandalf beard as he leaves and breaks his hip. Gon laughs at that because he's a jerk. 

Eventually a little girl shows up. It's Biscuit Krueger! She's even fucking older than them, but still in that kid body. She's looking at them like 'wtf?'

Killua gets up and stares at her blankly. "Old hag."

"Look who's the 'old hag' now!" Biscuit says as she runs off giggling.

Your mom and Gon have sweatdrops on their heads.

What an interesting date that happened today.

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> god i suck at x reader fics maaaaaan but haha omg my mom is this tiny asian woman who still looks 17 so this is so fucking bad and funny to meee hahahahahaha *gets ran over by a truck*


End file.
